I KNOW! I KNOW!! I'm a terrible blogger!!! I've found it difficult to write for the last, what, 8 months?!? for several reasons…First, Mikaylie moved back to the states and thus produced a variety of emotions for me to deal with, primarily, of course, tremendous grief. It's still a daily challenge to not just curl up in her room and cry. It was very much the same when Kaigan left only I could reason that he'd be leaving for uni if we were still in the States anyway (though we'd be soooo much closer!). But with Mikaylie, I was just not ready for my 17 year old to move away from us. There is so much going on in her life that I'm just supposed to be there for. I deal with sadness, guilt, bitterness and frustration EVERY DAY.  And to make matters worse, she will not be able to come back for Christmas. Long story short, her mere 2 weeks off for Christmas leaves little flexibility for flights therefore the airfare prices are absolutely ridiculous! Thankfully she will spend Christmas in Mississippi with Mom, Grammy, my brother and his family. And I'm still praying for a Christmas miracle of finding a flight that the airline is desperate to sell just to fill the seat at the last minute…

Another reason I've found it hard to blog is that I often get the urge to blog when we've done something particularly fun, exciting or different that is unique to living in New Zealand. In these cases, I feel like I'm bragging and only telling about all that is great and awesome here. While we do love living here and are constantly in awe and disbelief that this is our life now, things aren't, of course, always rainbows and ponies. I really want to give an accurate account of our life here but the lows are particularly difficult to write about, leaving a very unbalanced version of reality.
I have decided, however, to make a New Year's resolution to be a better blogger by putting blog time on my weekly schedule and whether the week has been particularly boring or sad or fun or whatever, I'll write. Please help hold me accountable!

So, to catch up on the last several months…

Nearly seven months ago I embarked on one of the most difficult trips of my life.  Mikaylie and I boarded a plane bound for the US and a new chapter in Mikaylie's life. We sat hand in hand on the plane flying out of New Plymouth, tears running down our cheeks, in a kind of stunned state. Then the whirlwind trip commenced. She and I flew to the States, spent a night in LA which included a nice dinner with my cousin Tommy and his lovely bride CJ. Dinner and the company were wonderful. Adjusting my stomach to American portions and richness, was miserable! I'll leave it at that for fear of TMI…
Mik and I then flew to New Orleans where Kaigan collected us from the airport. First stop: Chik Fil A!
My siblings and their families were in town so we had a rare family lunch on Sunday, minus Billy and the younger four of ours kiddos. Mom was thrilled to have all three of her kids in one place as that had not happened in several years.

The rest of that week included meeting with one of LSU's women's soccer coaches to inquire about their soccer program, visiting a handful of friends/family then a weekend of 25 year high school reunion activities. The reunion was great fun and a good distraction but as a whole the week was terribly, emotionally difficult as I couldn't help but tick down the time I had left with my daughter who had been my closest friend and even ally as we tried to adjust to a new life in a new country. As much as I love my husband and obviously would follow him anywhere, he really has no clue how difficult this move was for me. Mikaylie did. And I couldn't help but feel like in some way I'd be going back to an aloneness that I can't really describe. 

We drove up to Memphis for another quick visit with my brother and his family and a dinner with some friends from Arkansas who drove all the way to Memphis just to see us for a few hours. Then Kaigan drove us up to Kentucky where we settled Mikaylie in at the Wells' home. It was a lot like taking her to college in that we shopped for things to make her room hers and for just the usual personal necessities to get her started "on her own." Of course she wasn't on her own. Greg and Andrea and their family embraced and love her as their own. For that we are eternally grateful. And Kaigan attended UK for summerschool so was at least nearby and saw her some on weekends.
The week flew by and before I knew it my dear, sweet friend, Anne, with Kaigan and Mikaylie drove me to the airport. I honestly don't know how I peeled myself away from them and walked through the airport. And I have no idea how I ever boarded that plane. I literally felt like my heart was broken in half and one half was left on the curb at the Cincinnati airport.

The next few weeks for me are a blur. I went through the motions. I cooked and did the necessities but felt like a zombie. I avoided Mik's room like the plague and the couple of times I had to go in there for one thing or another wound up taking an hour as I'd curl up crying on her bed, smelling her pillow. Though tears stream down my face as I write this, I am coping better. And I look forward to going back in May for her graduation and to spend some time with Kaigan.

In October, our whole family flew over to see Mikaylie. Our whole stay revolved around Mikaylie and her soccer schedule so anyone who wanted to see us had to come to us. After all, we had traveled over 8000 miles!  Sadly, Kaigan was only able to join us for 48 hours since he was in school but it was a good visit which also included my mom who came up as well. We all crammed into Jenn and Grammy's house for a giant weekend slumber party!
The rest of the time was spent in Somerset where the Wells' (Thanks, Gene and Nancy!) graciously and hospitably let us take over their home for the week. We were able to see several of Mikaylie's games including senior night. This visit was extremely emotional again as Mikaylie was experiencing some stress and frustration. Thankfully we helped her work through it and bought her a car which makes everything better! Of course, though she has difficult days and misses us more than she likely predicted she would have, she is an incredible young woman and is learning to be independent and strong in ways most kids don't get the chance. We are so proud of her and are excited to see where her soccer dreams take her.

One thing that has helped to occupy my mind since returning to NZ is that I've been gainfully employed! I have been hired by the hospital as a casual clerical employee. This means I can be called anytime and asked if I'm able to come fill in in a clerical position, usually for someone ill or on holiday. I could go weeks without a call or one that would work for me and our family and I could be bounced from department to department, having to learn a new job every time. But thankfully a spot in Medical Records opened for two days per weeks. It is super flexible and while I generally do Mondays and Fridays, I can shift the days if need be for whatever reason. And I work from 9-3 allowing me to bring and pick up the kids from school. I really enjoy the work (scanning medical charts into the computer) and the people with whom I work. I've even been asked to add a day per week as someone is going on maternity leave. So starting in January, I'll increase to Monday, Wednesday and Friday. This should be for around a year's duration. And best of all, since I'm "casual" I can take off whenever I need to. It's been a real blessing!

In other news… Will has returned to traditional school. He is in a special needs program at Spotswood College (It is a high school). This too has had it's challenges for both him and us but still feels like the right decision. He enjoys playing basketball at lunch as has even participated in some Special Olympics activities in soccer and basketball.

Brylie seems to be enjoying high school as well. She's played on three different soccer teams in various leagues and enjoys the sport.

Graham and Nani are also enjoying school, often going barefooted as is the kiwi way. They learn some really cool things about the culture here and the environment. Yesterday Nani was singing "Silent Night" in Maori!

Billy still love love LOVES working here! He's still has more time at home and loves the way the health care system works here. (I'm really not bragging, but couldn't be happier to have evaded Obamacare!) Billy and I got a weekend away a couple months ago when we went to a concert and did some hiking. It is absolutely beautiful on any drive one takes here!

We also had our annual Thanksgiving celebration which has more than tripled in attendance since our first in 2011. Praise God for gorgeous weather as we hosted nearly 100 people representing over 10 countries! Billy fried 4 turkeys, I made sweet potato casserole, green bean/artichoke casserole and oyster dressing and everyone brought dishes of various types. No on left hungry and fun was had by all!
The only downer was that the night before somewhere around 9pm, my best horse Charlie took a horrific fall off of a 8-9 foot cliff, landing on a concrete drive! He miraculously walked up the drive on which he fell and up part of our long driveway, thankfully, as we would not have known he'd fallen until the next day when we found he was missing. I have no idea how he could have walked as far as he did because when Brylie and I approached him he was shaking in a cold sweat, blood dripping from both nostrils, breathing extremely fast but shallow and he could not move… AT ALL. He'd wince in pain when we tried to get him to walk to a grassy area and off of the gravel driveway. A couple times he would swoon as if he were going to go down which scared me to death! The whole thing was a total nightmare and as we waited for the vet, I was trying to brace myself for the words, "I'm sorry but we have to put him down." And I prayed. It had taken me so long to find this wonderful beast and he'd done a world of good for my damaged confidence. The vet arrived and wasn't as pessimistic as I'd feared. Of course he couldn't promise he'd be okay or even survive but he had hope which was all I needed to hear. He gave him a shot for pain and an antibiotic and helped me slowly walk him to a more comfortable area. I covered him with a blanket and gave him hay and water so that he wouldn't have to walk for it. Then all we could do was wait and pray. I checked on him several times before I finally went to bed at 12:30, Billy begging me to call off the party that was only hours away. I sprang out of bed when my alarm went off at 4:30am to go check on Charlie, praying all the way as I couldn't even see his silhouette in the darkness until I was nearly to him. I knew that if I found him down it would be the end. As difficult as it was for him to take just a few steps, getting up would be impossible and going down to begin with wouldn't have been by choice. He was still standing!!! Praise God! The next morning, in the daylight, I assessed his injuries better. He had remarkably few external abrasions, only one being of any concern but still ultimately of little. His legs, which was my first concern upon realizing he'd fallen, were neither swollen nor hot. Those Clydie legs were rock solid! His side, however, was disturbing. There was a bowling ball size dent in his ribcage that looked as if he'd been shot by a cannon. Clearly ribs were broken which explained his difficulty breathing. But he WAS breathing. Still, even the slightest flinch brought a wince of pain. My poor big boy!
I'd asked that no one would go out to see him during the party, with the exception of a couple of vets who were in attendance, as he was extremely jumpy and vulnerable and it would be very painful for him if he reacted. He was so timid and untrusting, it kind of hurt my feelings that he'd shy from me. But who could blame him? I guess he'd have PTSD from such a traumatic accident; probably thinking, "Don't touch me! Please don't touch me!"
After the party, our vet returned and, with Billy's ultrasound machine and 3 extension cords, he scanned his chest and lungs. He could see no movement in his right lung and he could see fluid and air in his chest cavity. Charlie had both a pneumothorax and a hemothorax from what appeared to be 3 broken ribs. It was still wait and see… and pray…
Today, two weeks and 2 days after his fall, I'm happy to say that Charlie is looking fantastic! He is back in a paddock with his mate, Lofty, and appears to be able to move pain free. He still has, and likely always will have, a dent in his ribcage but if that serves as a reminder of God's grace in saving my boy, then so be it. He's returning to his normal personality and isn't as timid as he was for the first couple of weeks, about knocking me over, rubbing his head on my body for a scratch. I can't help but indulge him after all he bravely went through! In another 7 weeks or so, the vet says, I can get on him and gently walk around the paddock to see how he feels. I'll have to bring him back into work slowly and it'll be several months before he's back to where he was. I am oh, so grateful!

Well, I think that has roughly caught you up to present. Again, I will truly endeavor to be a better blogger in the coming year. And if you have any specific questions about our life here in New Zealand, PLEASE leave a comment! I'd love to know what you would like to hear about!

Blessings,
Barb