Wow! I can't believe that in 2 days I'll be boarding a plane with Kaigan to bring him back to the States for college! I've dreaded this day his entire life. Little did I know that we'd be living in 2 different countries in 2 different hemispheres! Boarding that plane in Orlando for my return trip will be physically painful, and merely thinking about it reduces me to tears.
Last night we went to the Treetop Bar and Restaurant for, as Kaigan called it, his "last supper". While we were there the All Blacks versus South Africa rugby game came on. To my surprise and amusement, all four younger children could sing the NZ national anthem, half of which is in Maori, the language of the indigenous people of NZ. It was so cute! The song is "God Bless New Zealand", which is quite awesome for a "secular country". I even got chill bumps.
After the national anthem, the NZ rugby team performs a Haka dance which is a traditional Maori war dance. It's meant to challenge and intimidate their opponents. It's pretty in-your-face and the opposing teams often look rather annoyed. The Maori players' make particularly funny facial expressions, making their eyes opened really wide and sticking their tongues out. It is pretty bizarre but also really cool! As the Rugby World Cup begins in a few weeks, be sure to catch the beginning of an All Blacks game or you can find it on YouTube.
This morning we went to church as a family for the last time for who knows how long. After lunch we went to Pukekura Park (you will see more of this park in our House Hunters International episode). There we took family pictures and pictures of the kids all together. Kaigan was not a fan of this activity, which rather broke my heart but I did get some pretty good shots, even if he looks less than thrilled.
I can't believe I'm leaving my Billy and my babies for nearly a whole month! Talk about challenging my control issues!!! Our amazing neighbor, Natalia, who has become a dear friend, will be surrogate mum, chauffeur and cook when Mikaylie has soccer. She's even loves Pete and kept him when we left for three days on a ski trip (which was somewhat of a bust since Graham and Will don't ski and don't care to learn).
I thank God for Internet, skype and telephones! Please pray that He watches over Kaigan and me as we travel and our family we're leaving in NZ, especially Billy and Mikaylie... and Natalia who may loathe the day we moved in next door. Hopefully I get to see you while I'm stateside.
31 July 2011
20 July 2011
Case of the Blahs
I can't quite put my finger on exactly why but I've been in such a funk. Weather often does it to me but even on the most beautiful days lately, I just can't shake it. I know we've only just been here for 5 months and my son is leaving for university, in the States at that, but I'm not sure that's all it is. I'm trying to pray and ask God for guidance as to what I should be doing, what would help me, what He'd have me to do, but I'm not getting anything.
I feel particularly guilty over these feelings because Billy has never been happier. His workload, hours and stress level has plummeted. He's home more, we spend heaps of time together, and he's more involved with the kids. I can't imagine going back to the life we had before. Mikaylie is adjusting to a very different school life and doing well, at that. She's playing goalie for the soccer team and is even team captain and will soon have her learner's permit to DRIVE!!! The younger kids, too, are doing wonderfully. They go to the dairy for lollies or ice cream, bike to the library and have neighborhood friends to play with. And while Kaigan is looking forward to starting the next chapter in his life, he is enjoying flying. I seem to be the only one in this unsettled, discontented, rather depressed state.
I did meet this lovely lady, Julia, in a bookstore a couple of weeks ago. She owns the shop and we hit it off right away. We chatted a while and she looked at my Kindle and my book list on it. After a few minutes, she asked if I'd be interested in a part time job. I was caught rather off guard and didn't really know what to say. She said I should have a think (Kiwi for "think it over") and let her know. She even mentioned the possibility of Mikaylie working there on Saturdays. I went home and told Mik and Billy and both were ecstatic! Mik loves the idea of a job; she's been talking about find something for months. And Billy, because the thought of me supporting my own horse addiction. The next day I applied for my IRD (basically a tax id number). I also emailed Julia and said I'd love to work part time, if she was still keen (I can use the Kiwi lingo too!). Mikaylie starts this Saturday and I'll start when I return from the States.
I'm praying that this will help me find my feet here. Hopefully, it will get me motivated to do something, help me plan my time (and meals) and even offer me some opportunities to witness. Of course, the income will be a nice thing too. I'm going to try to come back from the States with new motivation, inspiration and vigor for life here.
I'll need all those things returning here without my Kaigan. I can't believe my baby boy is going to college! And in another hemisphere! I'm so very excited for him yet so very sad for me. These last few months have been a blessing, all this time just him and me. But it's kinda of a curse as well. I've gotten rather used to having him around. And I've not had to be alone here. I mean, Kaigan isn't exactly a chatterbox but I know he's here and can talk to him, even if only to have him grunt or nod. I pray he doesn't see his time here as a waste, as a sacrifice not worth making. He gave up prom, graduation, and time with friends and really hasn't gotten to see much of NZ being winter and all. I hope that the flying lessons he's had has made it worthwhile and maybe, just maybe having a little extra time with me is worth something to him as well. Judging my the tears running down my face as I type, our impending departure must be a large contributor to my "funk".
I'm not wishing we'd never moved here and there's nowhere in the States, or world for that matter, that I'd rather be. I can't even say what exactly I want. Maybe it is Kaigan's leaving and I just can't feel settled til I return from taking him back. So between the job and resuming my hunt for a horse, I'm hoping that when I return at the end of August, I can finally settle in and make NZ home.
I feel particularly guilty over these feelings because Billy has never been happier. His workload, hours and stress level has plummeted. He's home more, we spend heaps of time together, and he's more involved with the kids. I can't imagine going back to the life we had before. Mikaylie is adjusting to a very different school life and doing well, at that. She's playing goalie for the soccer team and is even team captain and will soon have her learner's permit to DRIVE!!! The younger kids, too, are doing wonderfully. They go to the dairy for lollies or ice cream, bike to the library and have neighborhood friends to play with. And while Kaigan is looking forward to starting the next chapter in his life, he is enjoying flying. I seem to be the only one in this unsettled, discontented, rather depressed state.
I did meet this lovely lady, Julia, in a bookstore a couple of weeks ago. She owns the shop and we hit it off right away. We chatted a while and she looked at my Kindle and my book list on it. After a few minutes, she asked if I'd be interested in a part time job. I was caught rather off guard and didn't really know what to say. She said I should have a think (Kiwi for "think it over") and let her know. She even mentioned the possibility of Mikaylie working there on Saturdays. I went home and told Mik and Billy and both were ecstatic! Mik loves the idea of a job; she's been talking about find something for months. And Billy, because the thought of me supporting my own horse addiction. The next day I applied for my IRD (basically a tax id number). I also emailed Julia and said I'd love to work part time, if she was still keen (I can use the Kiwi lingo too!). Mikaylie starts this Saturday and I'll start when I return from the States.
I'm praying that this will help me find my feet here. Hopefully, it will get me motivated to do something, help me plan my time (and meals) and even offer me some opportunities to witness. Of course, the income will be a nice thing too. I'm going to try to come back from the States with new motivation, inspiration and vigor for life here.
I'll need all those things returning here without my Kaigan. I can't believe my baby boy is going to college! And in another hemisphere! I'm so very excited for him yet so very sad for me. These last few months have been a blessing, all this time just him and me. But it's kinda of a curse as well. I've gotten rather used to having him around. And I've not had to be alone here. I mean, Kaigan isn't exactly a chatterbox but I know he's here and can talk to him, even if only to have him grunt or nod. I pray he doesn't see his time here as a waste, as a sacrifice not worth making. He gave up prom, graduation, and time with friends and really hasn't gotten to see much of NZ being winter and all. I hope that the flying lessons he's had has made it worthwhile and maybe, just maybe having a little extra time with me is worth something to him as well. Judging my the tears running down my face as I type, our impending departure must be a large contributor to my "funk".
I'm not wishing we'd never moved here and there's nowhere in the States, or world for that matter, that I'd rather be. I can't even say what exactly I want. Maybe it is Kaigan's leaving and I just can't feel settled til I return from taking him back. So between the job and resuming my hunt for a horse, I'm hoping that when I return at the end of August, I can finally settle in and make NZ home.
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