Our beloved farm was auctioned on Saturday. The land sold, tragically to Satan incarnate and the house to a quite lovely couple who will loathe the day they bought this house when they find it set in the bovine sewer that it will surely become. And for what?? We scarcely covered our mortgage, commission and fees. The garage sale we held a couple of weeks ago brought more money than we will make on the sale of our entire farm, equipment included. I've wept for four days.
I'm truly not being materialistic, for it's not the money or actual land or house for which I grieve. I would be sad but peaceful if someone was going to love and nurture this place as we have over the past eight years. Billy and I have poured our blood, sweat and tears into this homestead and never have I felt more peace and happiness than the years we've spent here. I fully expected to be buried next to our dear dog Macy under the tree in the back field.
I am trying to be strong and know that God is still in control but I can't help but feel abandoned and even punished for our attempts to obey. I feel so heavy, as if cloaked by the lead vest they put on one having an xray. I wish I could shake it off.
Mikaylie slept with me last night, as Billy was on call. She broke my heart when she, crying, said, "I want my Momma back".
I'm trying , Baby.
No comments:
Post a Comment