It was truly the hardest thing I've ever had to do... ever! Hugging Kaigan goodbye, curbside at the Orlando International Airport about ripped my heart out. I fought off waves of nausea and cried through security, wondering if it made me look suspicious. I left my heart in Daytona Beach.
There were many people I wanted to chat with before I left the country. I had over 300 minutes left on my prepaid and had intended to use them all with last minute calls to friends and family I was again leaving. I could not, however, bring myself to talk to anyone. I called Billy and sobbed through that conversation and pulled myself together enough to call Gram. I fought with all my might not to get upset with her on the phone but she was not fooled. During my layover in Dallas I called a couple of friends, reaching only one. I was really better off not attempting to speak to anyone. For some reason opening my mouth also opened the floodgates of tears. I also called Kaigan one last time before leaving the country. My sweet boy!
On to LA, where it was now too late to call anyone but Billy in NZ. I boarded my 3rd of four flights and began to weep uncontrollably as the plane lifted off and flew further from the US and my son. What kind of mother leaves her child alone on another continent? Sorrow, guilt, agony and fear consumed me. "Why, yes, I'd love a cocktail."
Kaigan is fantastic!!! He loves his school and, though nervous, is thrilled to begin his college career. His roommate is one of his oldest friends, with whom he's been in school with since first grade. They share a bathroom with two other boys in the adjoining suite. Kaigan and I really had fun that last week in Florida. Before school stuff started, we went to Universal Studios and shopped the Apple Store where he helped me buy a Mac. He's so proud of me! LOL! We organized his room, shopped for last minute dorm room items and purchased textbooks. There were some very informative seminars for parents and by the end of the week, I knew Kaigan was at the perfect school for him. On the Tuesday night was a banquet for the Honors Program students where they received an iPad 2. Kaigan was beaming with joy with his new toy! I've never seen him smile so much. And we are so very proud of him! Kaigan is one of the 7% of the 1250 incoming freshmen that were selected to be in the Honors Program. All of these students are housed together on a floor specifically for them. He'll be surrounded, supported and challenged by fellow students who are bright, ambitious and driven.
By Wednesday, I think he was ready for me to leave. The students had more and more activities and I could feel him pulling away. Then God sent me an angel! In the lobby of Kaigan's dorm, I met the mother of another student who was hurting like me. She too, was there without her husband and was staying at the same hotel as I was. We planned to meet Wednesday night for drinks at the hotel. I felt like I had know Julie for ages. We have a lot in common, particularly both being Christians and the shared heartache of leaving our firstborns at school. Thursday I rode into campus with her, sparing Kaigan the trip to retrieve me in the morning, and together we attended several seminars for parents. Thursday afternoon the sun was shining so I bummed a ride back to the hotel (Julie had some things to do with her son) and hit the beach. With the hurricane some distance out off the coast, the winds and waves were insane, and though I was getting sandblasted, I was determined to be on the beach. Friday I spent at the pool, by then the winds were just too much to bare. Julie met me there and together we grieved over leaving our boys.
Then Saturday... the worst day of my life...
Of course I survived. I'm still struggling, crying every other day or so and if I go into Kaigan's room, forget it, it's all over and I'm useless. But Kai is SO HAPPY. He is having a blast and studying what he's dreamed about for ages. I text him via Facebook and Skype or phone. He's gotten a campus job as an assistant to a professor and has his "own desk!"
So I'm counting down til he comes home for Christmas and already dread his leaving then. For now, I've got the distraction of Rugby World Cup and have applied for a couple of jobs. Bookstore may still happen but she's put me off til December and Billy's tired of me moping around the house. So I'll get a job and start a farm fund for land and my horse-to-be.
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